by Gene Defcon
The most difficult part of reading minds is not the actual mind reading process, but keeping the fact that you are a mind reader secret. Of course, it is very difficult to read minds. Most people believe it is impossible. The mind readers of the world would like to keep it this way and they work long and hard at concealing their unusual talent.
Imagine how tempting it would be to walk down the street and oversee an attractive girl think to herself how cute you are. Wouldn’t you be tempted to use this secret knowledge to your advantage right away? Wouldn’t you be tempted to clean up all the casinos and online bingo halls around the country? Anyone would be, but you can’t reveal it. Or at least, you shouldn’t. Proper mind reading etiquette calls for you to pretend like you never oversaw what she was thinking in the first place and continue about your day. In reality, though, most mind readers find themselves breaking this code in subtle ways almost every day. Oh, and perhaps you noticed I keep mentioning “overseeing” what someone is thinking rather than “overhearing.” That’s because when you are reading someone’s mind you don’t hear anything. You see it. You read it. Hence, the name Mind Reader and not Mind Hearer. It is a well known fact that there has never been a blind mind reader. It is a lesser known fact that no mind reader has ever read a blind person’s thoughts. No one is sure if this means that blind people do not actually think or if it means that they think in Braille. If they do think in Braille, would a mind reader who can understand Braille be able to read their mind? Such a person does not exist so science cannot tell us. My theory is that they would not be able to read someone’s mind in Braille, because how can you touch a thought?
Another common problem for mind readers is reading another mind readers thoughts. Often times, a mind reader might be mentally glancing about a crowded room, trying to oversee some particularly juicy secrets in someone’s head, when he will accidentally read a fellow mind readers thoughts while the other mind reader is reading someone else’s. This is called a Mind Triangle. This can cause the first mind reader to assume that the thoughts of person number three are actually the thoughts of mind reader number two. I don’t have any funny stories to tell you regarding examples of this off hand, but be sure that there are hundreds. Especially if you speak to a European mind reader.
You are probably still asking yourself, why is it so difficult for someone to conceal the fact that they can read minds? Well, if in fact you were asking yourself this in the vicinity of a mind reader he might be explaining to you exactly why right now. And he would have given himself away. It is very painful to see a fellow human who needs help, or even information, that you have and not be able to reveal it. Imagine you are at a fancy restaurant eating dinner with your little sister and she had a dab of mustard on her chin. You would want to tell her and would do so right away. Now, imagine you are a mind reader and your little sister catches you in the bathroom checking your private part area for pimples. She will naturally assume that she caught you masturbating. She won’t say that, though, she’s too polite. You will probably say, “oh shoot. I… I was just checking for pimples. I swear!” She will pretend to accept your story but you will know that she doesn’t actually believe you. And you won’t be able to do anything about it. You won’t be able to say anything. For the rest of your life your sister will think she caught you masturbating. Such is the life of a mind reader.